I could not stop acting out. 

As much as I tried, and with the threat of losing my marriage, my kids' love, my job and reputation, my apartment...I simply could not and would not stop. I wanted to act out more than I wanted all of the above. And whenever I did just a little acting out, it had a domino effect: I didn't know where my behavior would go, but it felt exhilarating and I was a slave to it, until I would hit the inevitable brick wall. There was always a wall.

Eventually, I had to admit total defeat. My addiction was stronger than I was. I found true strength, and Power, in the Fellowship of SAA and the Program of recovery using the 12 Steps as outlined in the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" (adapting them for sex addiction). Today, I have a deepening relationship with my Higher Power; I work with my sponsor to stay in the Steps; and I work with other guys to help them get and stay sober. I find ways to be of service on telemeetings: either opening/closing, chairing, or volunteering for Intergroup. I work with local professionals (law enforcement, clergy, health professionals, the recovery community) to try to carry the message to the sex addict who still suffers.

On good days, I have tried to enlarge and perfect my spiritual life by working on behalf of others, by constant thought of their needs. By self-sacrifice. And, even more than the relief of sobriety, I have experienced the joy of seeing a fellowship grow up around me.