A member's story

Of the hopeless variety
I could not stop acting out. No matter how hard I tried.

I could not stop acting out. 

As much as I tried, and with the threat of losing my marriage, my kids' love, my job and reputation, my apartment...I simply could not and would not stop. I wanted to act out more than I wanted all of the above. And whenever I did just a little acting out, it had a domino effect: I didn't know where my behavior would go, but it felt exhilarating and I was a slave to it, until I would hit the inevitable brick wall. There was always a wall.

Eventually, I had to admit total defeat. My addiction was stronger than I was. I found true strength, and Power, in the Fellowship of SAA and the Program of recovery using the 12 Steps. Today, I have a deepening relationship with my Higher Power; I work with my sponsor to stay in the Steps; and I work with other guys to help them get and stay sober. I find ways to be of service on telemeetings: either opening/closing, chairing, or volunteering for Intergroup.

I used to say a good day was when I "felt good about myself." But today, before I go to sleep, if I can look back over my day and see that I've tried to help others and thought less about my own needs, then I know I've had a good day. And then I feel good about myself!

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