Something I wrote while having a mental turmoil of questions and doubts.

One more fix

Thursday, December 10, 2020

16:35

One more fix and then I’ll quit

That’s the logic of an addict

Automatic, not empathic

Strength locked in an attic

In a house full of fanatics

One small spark and up in flames

It goes, that’s the tendency

Of my chemical dependency

On a frenzy, blood is fresh

Feeding from the flesh

Of the bodies I laid waste to

Shadows talk to me, tempting me

Telling pretty lies to ingest me

Starving for attention

Belly full of frustration

Drugs all around me, stay strong

Don’t fall down, don’t give up

Looking up while I’m down

Looking down while I’m high

Living life while I’m feeling dead inside

Go to my safe place instead

Bad habits die hard

Feelings tearing me apart

By my actions, no distractions

Just my addiction that I latched on

To escape, self-medicate

Mind dictates my current state

Feeling lost, I’m just a host

Am I the living or am I the ghost?

Be soft like a pillow but strong like a rock

Don’t open the doors if you hear a knock

Train of thought that never stops

A one way ticket I never bought

But got anyway without second thoughts

Subtle and persistent with no control

In my soul, no specific or concrete goal

Just surviving and masking truths that hurt

Sometimes you got to do what you got to do

Without a clue, out of the blue

Not thinking of consequences, climbing fences

Compulsion talking to you in incomplete sentences

Your body awake but your mind's in a dream

Or maybe a nightmare where you can't scream

Just one more fix and then I’ll quit

Because an addict brain never sleeps