Our stories
Every group member has their own story to tell and their views are not the opinions of SAA as a whole. In our meetings we encourage people to “listen for the similarities rather than the differences”. The stories that follow are written by current group members, many of whom have several years of sobriety. Although the writers' names have been changed, they are in our own words and from our authentic experience. We trust that they will bring you hope and inspiration.
You can read more of each story by clicking the story headline.
Members may register and login to view stories published for members only or submit their own stories for consideration.
| Outed by my wife | I was outed by my wife during a session with our marriage therapist in mid-October 2023. She discovered my 40-year secret the day before and blindsided me with it during couple’s therapy. She blurted out, “Are you a bisexual?” and the rest is history. She discovered my secret when she was looking through my office and found the private notes I take when meeting with my own therapist. The notes discussed my bisexuality and my history of acting out. We have been married for 40 years. I am 63 (so is she). We have three adult children (ages 37, 35, & 33). We have four grandchildren (ages 5, 2, 2, & three months). I have known I was bisexual since I was a teenager. I acted out with men over the years but was able to keep it a secret and it never interfered with my sexual attraction to my wife. My feelings about this are all over the place. I’m feeling ashamed, guilty, and misunderstood, but I will not deny my bisexuality. I had never planned to come out to the world, but my wife changed that plan. Now what do I do? Who do I tell, who do I not tell? What will my adult children think of me? I am a mess right now. Will we separate? Divorce? Posted: 11/28/2023. |
| My Newcomer Story | Hi I am Jim and I am a lust addict. I have been one since childhood. I am currently sober and have been for three days as I broke my sobriety over the weekend. I have been actively involved in recovery for 18 months as I got to the point that my viewing of porn had reached a point where I was losing my sanity. I 're-entered the rooms' of sobriety and recovery via another S fellowship where I am still active. Prior to that I had 'white knuckled' it (unsuccessfully) for nearly 12 years. |
| Who Am I! | Been a sex addict for some time but didn't know it. |
| Path to Recovery | My journey started like most, in denial. I was caught up in my own behaviors and it wasn't effecting my normal life, so it continued in the shadows and kept growing and progressing until a point I wish I could take it back. |
| Another Gay Bozo on the Bus. | Bob G & myself started SaaTalk back in 2004. He was working in LA three days a week and started a tele-conference meeting I think on Wednesday. Service keeps you sober; I couldn't stay sober over the weekends. I started the 2nd teleconference meeting on Sunday afternoons. I got sober, imagine that. At the 2005 New Orleans International convention, Bob & I gave a workshop on teleconference meetings, since we saw the potential for the addict who still suffers. Sadly only 2 people showed up. Yet, at the first GLBTQ Roundtable later that day, a group of us started #3 on Tuesdays for the GLBTQ sex addict. I remember when a group of isolated woman got together, and within a few days organized a meeting a day for Woman Only. What a blessing. This is what we do in Recovery and it is so simple. We ask for help in our darkest and deepest hour, and a helping hand of our Higher Power leads us into a sober life. In every case it is not one hand, but a loving army of "me too" and "this is the path of recovery, follow me". Keep on coming back. |
| Enslaved by the Screen Devil | Hi, my name is Scott, I'm a 66, almost 67 year old Scotsman living now in the North West of England. I have 5 daughters and 2 sons, I did have 6 daughters but sadly I lost her back in 1987 when she passed away at the age of 7. I have been addicted to pornography and acting out for over 50 years, first through magazines and then through the internet. I have been sober/ clean for 2 years now and I have also, and still am in therapy for the same length of time as I have been sober/ clean. Thank you for taking the time to read this. |
| Recovered Alcoholic but oh my I may be a Sex Addict too | Hi, I'm Will, and I think I'm a Sex Addict. I don't act out with other people, but I watch entirely too much pornography, to the extent that it interferes with my life. I'd like to work the steps of SAA because quite frankly, the AA steps saved my life. So I know the steps work if you work them, of that there is no doubt. So now that the drink problem is solved, the other problem I have is related to my sexual sobriety, and I think I've found a moment of clarity but I really need to connect with a group. |
| My Journey | My name is Darrell, a recovering sex addict, and this is my story. Denial and fear have been constant companions for as long as I can remember. It wasn't until I started my recovery December 9th 2014 did I see that these character defects shaped my life and self loathing. During the writing of my first step I saw the progression of my addiction and the damage that it caused me as well as others. Working my steps has helped me to learn to love myself and to change behaviors that have been shaped from learned behaviors I saw from Dad and Grandfather. It has helped me see generationally how deep the roots of this disease goes. I'm learning how to be emotionally present with my family, how to cope with my emotions without medicating myself with sex or porn, and how to have healthy and real intimacy with my kids and wife. Sane and sober working one day at a time. |
| Graced and Blessed | I am married--- for 34 years and have 2 grown children--- and was graced by God to have shared my SSA with my wife 4 years ago about my lifelong struggle with SSA and some resulting compulsive behaviors. |
| Pornography addiction | Like most people that have a grown addicted to porn, I used to buy it in pornography stores before it became free on line. |
| Sexual anorexia, or compulsive sexual avoidance | My name's James, and I'm a sexual anorexic and addict. It's not so usual to hear people introduce themselves that way in SAA, so let me explain. Sexual anorexia (or compulsive sexual avoidance) is what got me into the Twelve Step fellowships that focus on sex. I had my first sexual experience with a woman when I was 25, a lot later than I would have hoped, and since that relationship broke up, there had been nothing apart from a few dates filled with terror. Some people may choose to wait to be sexual, but I didn't choose it that way, and I was utterly powerless over avoiding or sabotaging intimacy in my life, sexual or otherwise. I knew I wasn't gay, but I couldn't explain what the problem was. |
| Newly Recovering Porn and Online addict | Hi I'm Craig and I'm a sex addict. and here's my first true attemp at my story. As of today I'm at step one, still actively in recovery, seeking sponsership and have been in clean recovery for two weeks. |
| Tony | My name is Tony. I am a recovering sex addict. Although married, I acted out for 44 years with affairs, strip clubs, pornography and masturbation. A discovered online affair has led to disclosure and a lot of counseling. I joined SA and am following the 12 steps. I have been sober for a few weeks and talking with other addicts seems to be the one thing that is working. I feel hope for the first time. |
| Why I’m here… | I was arrested in November 2023. I then attended Keystone residential program for sex addiction for 42 days. I’m currently working with a sponsor with the Big Book through ssapp. I expect around a year of jail time. I hope to continue my recovery, if jail is Thy will, and work with other prisoner addicts. |
| My "S" Story | My name is Brooks and I am a Sex Addict. I've been coming to the "S" fellowship since 1995. My journey into recovery from sexual compulsion began with a psychotherapist who recommended I utilize a similar 12 Step program that helped me stay clean and sober in AA & NA. |
| My Journey to Discovering Intimacy | I had no idea I was a sex addict or a "social, emotional, sexual and spiritual anorexic." But my life greatly improved once I made that amazing discovery. |
| Doctor without Boundaries | My name is Mark w. and I am a sex, love,fantasy addict in recovery with a hint of sexual anorexia -especially to my primary partners. I was a pediatrician for over 25 years until I lost my medical license for acting out with mother's of patients. I was also involved in sexting and contacting my families through social media which was frowned upon by the board. I have been in S fellowships for 5 years now and have been currently sober for the past 2 months of them. My sobriety really improved when I found my higher power which consists of a combination of the God of Abraham Isaac and Jacob, Mother earth, ,my family and my current step group. Thank you. |
| A Life Worth Living | I knew all about existing. Making it from day to day. Often just waiting for it all to be over. That was the story of my childhood, adolescence, and adulthood prior to recovery. I was a survivor. I could weather any storm, and handle anything that came my way. But living, that was for other people. I could not handle living, because it meant staying present in the moment. And each moment was just too painful to face. Today, I am living life one moment at a time, and what a glorious life it is. This is my journey from survival and existing to living life to its fullest. |
| My name is Myles and I am a Recovering Sex Addict | In everyone’s life there is a switch that gets turned on at some point in their life’s experiences. Like a one way locking switch, once the switch is turned on, it can never be turned off. The switch is labeled “Sexual Awareness”; the point in time when we become aware of our own sexuality. It may be an accident or it may be on purpose. It may be our own doing or at the forced hand of another. |
| Late learner | I grew up with a strong Catholic background in a small midwestern city. Early on, I found I was attracted to guys and was very ashamed of it since I knew it did not coincide with my religion nor the culture where I was living. |
| Hurt my Family - Voyeurism | I allowed my addiction to porn hurt my whole family due to voyeurism. My girls won't talk to me right now... (I pray one day they will) so I'm here for anyone else in a similar boat. |
| Prodigal Son | I feel like the prodigal son with regards to my recovery. First came to SAA in 1995. Compulsive masturbation, objectification of women, lies, pornography, inappropriate fantasy were the behaviors I wanted to change. Things got better (due to working the program), then I relapsed (stopped working program and became enveloped by my addiction). Came back sporadically (2010) and ultimately stayed in relapse. My addiction became more powerful and eventually took me to behaviors I would never have thought myself capable of (voyeurism, secretive filming, infidelity). I am once again back, realizing how powerless I am over my behaviors. The knowledge of this addiction lasting my lifetime is difficult, but made more acceptable by understanding the program, the fellowship, and the knowledge that God will ALWAYS be there for me. |
| Grateful for SAA webmeetings | In Oct 2013 I realized I was a sex addict but I live in a town where there are no face to face meetings & I don't feel able to start a meeting myself. So these online meetings have been a lifesaver for me. I'm a gay man & before I started recognizing my addiction I was hooked on anonymous sex, online sexual contacts and was starting to get into potentially dangerous sexual activities. |
| A pursuit of God got awry | I am a recovering sex addict in Western North Carolina and have been in meetings for 10-15 years. |
| 25 Years of Acting Out and I never lived like I have these last 18 months in recovery! Updated-2 years & 1 month sober | Like it says, I've been acting out for 25 years, in the interest of rigorous honesty I am 33. But nothing compares to how much living I have done in recovery in the last 18 months. Even better this last month that I finally got a sober sponsor! Updates as I continue to work The 12 Steps of SAA and sponsor others through the steps. |
| I was amazed. | I am a sex addict. My “drug of choice” was having “harmless”, “secret” affairs. |
| Of the hopeless variety | I could not stop acting out. No matter how hard I tried. |
| My Story | I have been struggling with my addiction to porn since I was about 14 or 15. I found a penthouse magazine underneath my dad's bed and it made me feel something inside. I was able to rent porn at the video store when I was about 15-16. I looked much older than my age. I had a job at pizzeria and made pretty good money, so a lot of it went to porn. By the time I was 18, I had multiple memberships at video stores around town. I would rotate them each week, so I didn't look like a porn freak. |